Lisa the Social Scientist
by UndeadSamurai01
Summary: Lisa and Colin go to college secretly , Bart discovers he has a high IQ.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**_Chapter 1_**_  
_  
It was 6 pm on a Monday and the Simpson family was sitting down to dinner. Homer, Bart, and Marge were all tucking into a huge platter of pork chops. Lisa however, had her own plate with only tofu and vegetables. Lisa had learnt the hard way that she couldn't force her vegetarian beliefs on others. Homer was starting to go through the mail.

"Bill... bill...bill..." He said glumly then suddenly perking up "Ooooh! I win a Million dollars!"

"No dad," said Lisa patiently, "You fell for that one last time"

"No, but this time… Do'h" Homer yelped, turning to the next letter, once again glum "What the heck! Is this some sort of alien language? ...In the bin you go!"

Homer was holding an unaddressed, folded piece of paper with many parallel lines. The lines were in groups of five interspaced with dots. Lisa ran over to the bin and fished it out.

"No dad," She said indignantly, "That's not an alien language! Its script!"

Homer and Bart exchanged blank glances.

"...Sheet music!" She added in exasperation.

Homer and Bart continued to stare blankly

"...It's like a CD written on paper." She said with some finality

Homer took the sheet and held it up to his ear. Lisa snatched the sheet back and walked up to her room muttering.

"Stupid father… doesn't even know… grrrr."

She placed the sheet on her music stand and began to play her sax. The first piece was Miles Davis' "Birth of the Cool"; her favourite song. The second sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite remember where from. The third was the same song she had played with Bleeding Gums Murphy on the bridge. She turned over the page, but it was blank. There was no writing on the piece of paper just the music notes.

She started madly going through her music books trying to place the familiar tune which she just couldn't remember. The dinner her Mum had placed next to her at her desk went almost unnoticed. Eventually, she began to fall asleep at her desk, buried in sheets of music.

_Lisa was flying over spring field arms outstretched, but suddenly the sky darkened as an enormous dome carried by innumerable helicopters lowered over the town. She was trapped. Below her the previously peaceful streets where suddenly awash with flame, the smoke from countless torches curling up towards the glass ceiling creating a dense layer of dark clouds. She was coughing now and sweating from the intense heat. She had to get OUT. Suddenly she was falling towards the ground, but she was somehow calm knowing that she would be OK. She fell right into Maggie's sand box, falling through the sinkhole and emerging on the other side of the dome. She could see herself now and… Colin! Her heart fluttered a little. She watched as Colin wrote on the inside of the dome with a marker – but she already knew what he was going to write. It was Lisa's Song. She found herself floating upwards completely out of control until…_

She woke suddenly papers falling off her desk. She grabbed the mystery music and focused on the second song. That was it.

"Oh my god," she whispered, "Colin!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**_Chapter 2  
_**  
The message was clear. She had to meet him at the bridge. She looked over at her clock, the glowing red digits faintly illuminating the room. It was twenty minutes to midnight. She opened the curtains and her room flooded with silver light. The moon was almost full, and it loomed large in the sky. She could just make out the Copernicus crater on the left hand side. She shook her head.

_No, I can look at the moon later. Now I have to meet Colin_

She silently slid open her window, and for once was pleased that Bart had oiled all the doors and windows, so that he could sneak out at night. She had one foot out the window before she realised she had forgotten her Sax. As quietly as she could, she picked up her saxophone and strapped it securely to her back. She climbed out her window and onto the tree branch cart wheeling along it and flipping onto the ground; sticking the landing perfectly.

"Heh!" She exclaimed triumphantly

Just then a concealed door opened up from the underside of the tree house, knocking her to the ground.

"Bart!" she exclaimed in a shocked whisper, "What are you doing here?"

"Nothing." he said nonchalantly

"It doesn't look like nothing..."

"OK then what are yooou doing here?" Bart asked accusingly.

"Uh..." said Lisa "Also nothing..."

"Well then..." Bart paused, "Carry on."

They both walked off whistling nonchalantly.

_Phew!_ Thought Lisa. She made her way to the bridge without further incident.

_  
_As she approached the bridge she could hear the unmistakable sound of the blues. The haunting tones of a single trumpet echoed through the night, in a slow, sad tune. A soft rain that was falling and the grit and grime of the city contributed to the emotion of the sound. The faint patter of rain; the drip of the storm drain like tears drops. Each heart rendering note held, until she thought her heart would break. As she approached the bridge she reached over her shoulder and unstrapped her sax from her back. She began to play harmonies to the notes smoothing the dissonances and suddenly the song took on a whole new feel. The notes became cheerful, the harmony of the brassy trumpet and throaty sax becoming one.

Colin stepped out from behind one of the pillars trumpet at his side. Lisa felt weak in the knees seeing him in the moonlight.

"Lisa," He said in his lilting Irish accent "...you got my message."

"Of course," she said, "That was so clever, but why did you have to write in code?"

"After that whole fiasco with the dome, my parents think your whole family is weird," he explained, "They don't want me to see you."

"We can be like Romeo and Juliet..." Lisa commented.

"...Or Pyramus and Thisbe..." Colin jumped in,

"...The earlier Greek play on which based his ideas!" She exclaimed giddily

"The very same," said Colin. "But now we must part, my fair lady Capulet, Lest our absence be noted."

"Farewell my Montague," said Lisa "Let us hope our stars are not as crossed as theirs."

Lisa practically danced all the way home. Slipping in though the window and climbing into bed, falling into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

Chapter 3  
Lisa awoke the next day tired and with a slight headache, but truly happy. Not even the skateboard her brother had left outside her door, in an attempt to trip her up, could dampen her spirits. She actually laughed at the predictability of it. Bart was peaking from around his door expecting to hear a crash. He looked visibly disappointed as he approached.

"What's up with you Lise" he asked warily "aren't you mad?"

"No" She asked seemingly oblivious "why would I be?"

She knew this would infuriate Bart, but she didn't give him time to respond, pirouetting on the spot and walking down the stairs bouncing with energy. She was smiling so much her cheeks hurt.

Breakfast consisted of pancakes with syrup, and bacon for Homer and Bart. Bart tried to rub some bacon on hers, but Marge caught him in the act.

"Hurry up kids" said Marge in her usual nagging tone "You'll miss the bus!"

Bart and Lisa shouldered their school bags and headed for the door.

"Bye mom," they said in unison "bye Homer"

On the bus Lisa couldn't stop thinking about Colin. She hadn't even asked where he'd been, or when they would meet again. He was such a mystery, and he knew just what she liked.

Just then Francine walked onto the bus, sniffing the air, and Lisa made the mistake of making eye contact.

"Hey nerd" growled Francine "you looking at me"

"Uh…" Lisa stammered her good mood shattered "n-no"

"Wrong answer brainiac" she yelled

Francine grabbed Lisa's school bag and threw it out the window before stalking off the back seat.

"oooh" Lisa groaned sinking down in her seat, once again depressed at the thought of going to school.

Lisa hated school for three reasons. It was too boring, too easy and too hard. Boring because it took 6 hours out of her day, the class-work was easy because she was too smart and the other students gave her a hard time, because she was too smart. She sighed time to just make it through another day. Her headache was bothering her now, and she wondered if she could use it as an excuse to go home sick. No-one would question her, after all she had a perfect attendance record, but it was a slippery slope. Once she started taking days off her record would be broken and people would become increasingly suspicious.

The bus arrived at school and Lisa was the last off the bus. She was less likely to get jostled that way. The bell rang and she went to class. The class didn't interest her in the slightest, the area of a rectangle – come on, and not only that, Lisa realised she was trying to teach it without algebra, through repetition. To pass the time she drew up sheet of matrices and plotted the shapes in her mind struggling to comprehend their four dimensional nature. Of course the teacher knew she wasn't paying attention, but knew better than to call her out on it. Miss Hoover could still remember that last time, when Lisa quoted her lesson back to her word for word for five minutes.

Eventually her eyelids grew heavy. She rested her head in the crook of her arm silently drifting into the peaceful oblivion of sleep.

_She dreamt she was slipping into a pit of darkness. What was the point, she thought, why should I even struggle, but just as she despaired and let go of the side Colin was there to catch her. He pulled her out of the pit of despair, and together they flew over the town. There was no dome this time, only clear blue sky. They flew higher and higher, until Springfield was just a dot. She could see the horizon was curved. Still they flew higher, until above her she could see the blackness of space above her and the blue shrouded sphere of the Earth below. It was cold and she hugged him tight. They accelerated faster and faster – well beyond what Lisa knew was the speed of light. The earth shrank in her view, until it was the size of a grain of sand and then disappeared altogether. The sun was now just one of many stars. Finally she saw the spiral of the Milky way. She could see the Andromeda galaxy on its collision course with the Milky way in the next 10 billion years. Then there was blackness. Nothing in the universe remained but her and Colin._

_"Lisa" he said "Liiisa"_

Lisa snapped awake.

"Lisa" said Sherry or was it Terry? Lisa couldn't tell

"Who's Colin" teased Terry

"What" asked Lisa

"You were totally" said Sherry

"Calling his name in your sleep" Completed Terry

Lisa blushed red

"Nobody" she said quickly

"Lisa has an imaginary" Began Sherry

"Boyfriend!" they chorused together

"You're weird Lisa" interjected Jamie

Lisa groaned, could this get any worse. Luckily the lunch bell rang and Lisa moved quickly out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

Chapter 4

At lunch Lisa didn't go to the cafeteria. Why should she – until they started making their government mandated vegetarian option? So Lisa stayed out on the schoolyard until someone grabbed her from behind and dragged her into some bushes near the fence. She tried to scream, but they had their hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry," said a lilting Irish voice "It's me"

The hand was lifted away.

"Oh my god Colin" she reprimanded, "you scared me half to death!"

"I'm sorry," he pleaded "but I had to see you."

"Come on then," she said feigning begrudgement "I know a place"

"Won't they notice you're gone?" he asked

"Are you kidding?" She retorted "They barely notice me when I'm here, now are you coming or not?"

=============

It took them the better part of half an hour to hike up Mt. Springfield, but neither of them said anything. They didn't need to. It was enough that they were together. When they reached the clearing they could see the Springfield sign, the five metre high letters towering over them. Below they could see the town, with its neat ordered rows of houses and the distinct towers of the nuclear plant off in the distance.

Lisa laid out her swimming towel on the grass and they had a picnic. Well, the food was rather lacking, just a sandwich each and a couple cupcakes, but it was enough.

Lisa was the one to break the silence.

"So why haven't I seen you around school before?" she enquired

"I go to West Springfield elementary." He explained "I had to sneak out just to get to your school."

"He he he" giggled Lisa "I actually went to your school by accident one time"

"Really," he asked "how?"

"Would you believe I was in a limousine driven by a monkey?" She said jovially

He laughed lightly. She loved the way it sounded like music.

"Can't say that's ever happened to me!" he said

"Are people ever mean to you at school?" asked Lisa seriously

"Sometimes," he said looking her in the eye "but that's not important, once we go to college people will respect us for our intellects."

"I know," she muttered "But its hard to wait that long"

"Believe me I know it too." He comforted

"Did I ever tell you about the time I went to college?" she asked suddenly

"No"

She told him the story of when she went to college disguised as a gymnast, how great it was to be among intellectual equals, to actually be taught new information.

Lisa looked into his eyes, seeing he was deep in thought. Story

"We could do it you know." He said thoughtfully "It would take a little more planning, and I couldn't be a gymnast, but if we play this right no-one ever has to find out."

"I would love that." said Lisa, charmed

"But now, I'm afraid we have to get going," said Colin "or we'll miss our buses back at school."

Colin walked her back to school and then left for his own.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

Chapter 5

Lisa arrived home, once again in good spirits. She couldn't wait to see Colin again. They had spent half the day together, and no-one was the wiser.

She immediately went upstairs to her room, sitting on her bed in lotus position she started her meditation. She contemplated the teachings of the Budda searching for spiritual enlightenment, before moving on more earthly subject. She relived the day she had just experienced, the terrible bus ride, the mind-numbing classes, and her wonderful picnic with Colin. She remembered their conversation and Colin's brilliant idea.

The more she thought over Colin's idea the more her plan came together. If they enrolled in the courses properly they could prove that they were students if anyone asked. They needed fake documents though – she would have to ask Bart where he got those. Colin's height was a problem. While she could pass for a gymnast, his voice hadn't even broken yet so people would be able to tell he wasn't just short. Mmmm. She wondered if there was a medical condition that would cause a college student to look like he was eight, growth hormone deficiency maybe? Oh well, she thought. If there wasn't, she was sure Dr. Nick could make one up.

She opened her eyes slowly, feeling calm and in control as she always did after her meditations, sometimes she thought they were the only thing keeping her sane.

She walked over to Bart's room. Tonight was Bart's night for hockey practice so he wasn't there. She stood in the doorway, conflicted. Could she really do this? It was a total violation of Bart's privacy, and she was a civil rights activist. No. She thought. I can do this. For Colin.

It took her a while, but she eventually found it. Bart's fake driver's license was taped to the bottom of one of his drawers. It looked real enough, although there was a period which looked slightly too big. Microdot? Lisa slid it under her microscope. Switching to 100x multiplication. Sure enough the dot contained a whole paragraph of text. Including a number to call, a place to meet and prices. They were all far too expensive. It made her wonder how Bart had gotten ahold of it. She felt a breath of air on her ear.

"Whatchya looking at" said Bart teasingly

"Aaaaaah!" yelled Lisa "Bart! Don't do that."

Bart picked up the microscope, which she had knocked to the floor.

"Hey, is that my license?" Exclaimed Bart "Lisa, I expected better of you"

"Why?" she challenged "your always going through my stuff."

"But your supposed to be the good one" said Bart "don't you believe in all that civil rights crap."

"It's not crap" retorted Lisa "It's the foundation of our democracy, how did you get this card anyway. It's supposed to cost five grand!"

"Me and Fat Tony are real tight" said Bart, faking an Italian accent "ever since I was his bartender. He considered it a favor owed after he strung me up at that trial."

"But the question remains" he continued, changing to a detective voice and pacing the room "why, did you want it?"

_Come on think, Lisa, think. You can't tell him the truth he'll tell everyone._

"Uh…" she squirmed "I need some phony papers to help an orphan immigrate to America."

_That's so weak, there's no way he'll believe that._

"That's so like you Lise" accused Bart "Chaining the invisible hand of the market."

"Huh" Lisa cocked an eyebrow at him

"If the market wanted that orphan to survive he would have given him to an American family" Explained Bart

"I think your getting free market economics confused with God." She said "Stop watching Fox News"

"Shut up Lisa," said Bart suddenly worried "you'll anger the network"

_*Technical difficulties, please stand by*_

"I would like to retract my earlier statement" said Lisa coldly "Now what were you saying Bart?"

"Look, if you need papers I'll hook you up." Said Bart "Just don't tell mom I still work for the mob."

Bart grabbed a pen and wrote on a piece of paper.

"Look here's the address." He said, offering her the paper "I'll call in some favors and someone will meet you there at midnight. Just be there OK."

"OK," said Lisa still a little shocked

She set her watch for twenty to midnight. She would sleep after dinner; she needed to sleep when she could if she was to continue to lead this double life.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

Chapter 6

Lisa checked the address again, pulling her coat tighter around her shoulders. This was it. It didn't look like much, a slightly rundown apartment. There was no graffiti on its façade, which actually made it stand out among the buildings in the area. She checked her watch. 11:58, right on time. She took a deep breath. What was she getting herself into? She knocked on the door.

A man with an obvious scar under his eye opened the door, she thought she recognised him from Bart's trial. He was wearing a suit that was ever so slightly disheveled and smelled faintly of cigarettes, his gun however looked well maintained, and it was pointed directly in her face.

"You a cop?" he threatened

"Yeah, cause the cops totally hire eight year olds now." She said rolling her eyes. "I'm Bart's sister."

"Oh right, Lisa isn't it?" he asked lowering the gun and ushering her inside "Don't worry, we're a family here, so as Bart's sister you're one of us. Fat Tony will be out in a minute, he's just finishing up a meeting of the legitimate local businessmen's association."

Inside the apartment was lavishly decorated, there was a marble bar and a long dining table made of dark wood with some silver candelabra's in the centre. Every available surface however was crammed with overflowing ashtrays, half-empty wine bottles, firearms of all descriptions and wads of $300 bills, which she assumed to be counterfeit.

She was about take a closer look when Fat Tony entered the room.

"Lisa, so good to see you" he said in his Italian accent "Bart said you were coming. Now how can we assist you in a perfectly 'legal' manner."

She handed him the list she had compiled earlier that night. Fat Tony handed it to the man with the scar who exited the room.

"This is alota paper," said Fat Tony "but we take care of our own here Lisa, might I ask why you need a high school diploma however?"

"I would really prefer if you didn't." said Lisa

"What diploma?" asked Fat Tony unconvincingly "I did not give you any diploma. This bag I am placing next to you however contains some documents that I think you may have… misplaced. Goodbye Lisa."

"Bye" said Lisa

When Lisa arrived home she hid the bag under a floorboard. It was 1:42 am according to her watch, just six hours until she had to wake up. She crawled into bed and closed her eyes. Falling into a peaceful sleep almost instantly.

**Sorry for the short chapter, the next one will be longer, I promise.**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 7**

"Wake up Lisa!" called Marge "breakfast's ready!"

Lisa woke up slowly stretching. Something didn't feel right. With a start she realised that she had fallen asleep in her day clothes. That would be difficult to explain if anyone saw her. She quickly changed into an identical but clean red dress and headed downstairs.

After breakfast she went back up to her room and grabbed her new schoolbag. She wanted to show Colin the documents, but she couldn't risk someone finding them in her bag. Reluctantly she cut a small slit into the lining of her new bag right near the seam where is couldn't be seen and slipped the documents, in their plastic bag, into the lining.

She ran out the door, just making the bus. When the bus stopped at the school she got off immediately blending in with the crowd. Instead of going to class she proceeded directly to back door and out into the yard. She looked around and, seeing that there was no-one, crawled strait through the hole Colin had cut into the fence yesterday. Once she was far enough from school, she reached into the front pocket of her bag and pulled out a square of paper. She unfolded it to reveal a map with West Springfield Elementary marked. She had studied the satellite imagery of the school and discovered that while the buildings were identical, the grounds were slightly different. One side of the school bordered onto Springfield Forrest, which made the getaway so much easier.

She had it all planed out, all she had to do now was find Colin. As she came close to the school, she made a detour, circling around so she could approach the school from the forest side. She stopped about a hundred feet short of the fence and scaled a tree for a better view. She checked her watch, five minutes to recess. She carefully removed her bag and wedged it in a fork of the tree. She pulled out her "bird watching" binoculars. She also took out her Mypod and a black cylinder, which trailed a cord. She mounted the cylinder under the binoculars and attached the stray cord to her Mypod, which she clipped to shoulder, also donning her earbuds. The cylinder was a directional microphone that she had constructed from parts left in the attic. She had also fitted a speaker to it, allowing it to transmit a directional soundwave. She turned on her Mypod and activated a secret program.

She waited for the recess bell to ring. 3, 2, 1. Damn. Their clock was slow. Forty seconds later the bell rang and a torrent of students rushed outside. There was no point trying to spot Colin in the crowd, she would wait until they dispersed.

She finally saw Colin and for a second was ecstatic. That was until she realised the position he was in, four larger children who she assumed were bullies had encircled him. It made her blood boil. How could they do this to her Colin? She pressed a button on her Mypod and the microphone whirred to life. She could hear voices but they were garbled and covered by background noise. She pressed another button, activating the noise reduction filter. She could hear them now. They sounded slightly mechanical and there was some hissing and popping, but those were the side affects of the filter.

"I said give us your lunch money," yelled the largest bully

"I don't have any," whimpered Colin "leave me alone."

"Right you asked for it" yelled the bully

Lisa flicked a switch on the microphone and prayed it would work. She hadn't tested it to this range before.

Colin didn't know what happened, the bullies had been coming right at him, but suddenly they all fell to the ground, clutching at their ears. Colin couldn't understand it, he couldn't hear anything, but he took it as his cue to run. He stoped halfway across the yard when he heard a faint buzzing in his ears.

He had stopped. Lisa aimed the microphone at him and pressed play on her Mypod.

Colin suddenly heard music. It was a simple two bar melody he knew well, Lisa's Song. He got the message she wanted to meet him.

Lisa was relived when she finally saw Colin exiting through the fence. She saw a teacher approaching. She pointed the microphone and spoke into her Mypod.

"Excuse me" she said sweetly

The teacher turned around, finding no-one.

"Over here" said Lisa

The teacher wheeled around but still couldn't see anyone. He shrugged his shoulders and continued his patrol.

During this time Colin snuck out through the fence and headed into the forest. He was shocked when Lisa dropped out of the tree behind him, putting her hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming.

"OK," she said "Now we're even."

**Please leave a comment people. Remember the more comments I recieve the more motivated I'll be to write the next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 8  
**They ran off into the forest giggling like, well, like schoolchildren. They ran hand in hand, running for the sheer joy of it. Of course they only got about 50 yard/metres before realising that it was far too difficult to laugh and run at the same time. They leant against a tree to catch their breath.

Colin drew her into a quick hug.

"You were amazing back there." said Colin "how did you do that?"

Lisa pulled out the binoculars pointing to the black cylinder.

"Directional microphone and audio transmitter, it focuses the sound into a tight beam so it doesn't attenuate as much over distance," she explained "I gave their ears a good blast, but there shouldn't be any permanent damage. I got the idea when the cops used sonic cannons on us at a protest, and there was more than enough parts left in the attic after my dad's attempt to become an inventor."

"My dad is so normal," complained Colin "I sometimes wonder what it would be like if he was always trying crazy schemes like yours."

"Trust me, it's overrated." Said Lisa "Although I've never had a normal Dad so I can't really compare."

"So, what do you want to do?" asked Colin "We've got all day."

"You never guess what I've got." challenged Lisa

She reached into the lining of her bag and retrieved the documents pakage.

"What are those?" he asked

"See for yourself." She replied

He opened the package and flipped through the pages.

"High school diploma's, school reports, letters of commendation, transfer papers, birth certificates, driver's licences" he muttered "my god Lisa how on earth did you get these?"

"Lets just say my brother has contacts," she said "and leave it at that."

They discussed the plan, for a while, making corrections, improving the schedule.

"The only problem I can see, it my height," said Colin "it's a dead giveaway."

"I've been thinking about that" said Lisa smugly "And I think I may have a solution."

xxxxxxxxxx

An hour latter they were walking through a dodgy part of town. Lisa saw it first. It was a rundown building with a dilapidated sign that read "Cl nic". A rusted letter "i" lay on the ground next to the wall. They walked inside and sat in what was apparently a waiting room. On the wall was a sign which read "no question's asked", and below that a framed diploma from "Hollywood Upstairs Medical College". A dark haired man in a white doctor's coat burst into the room.

"Hi everybody!" he exclaimed

"Hi Dr Nick!" replied all the patients except Colin

"Oh hi Lisa" said Dr Nick "your up next."

Colin lent over and whispered it her ear.

"Is there anyone is this town who doesn't know you?" he asked incredulously

"Lets just say this has been an eventful year for me" she replied cryptically

They entered Dr Nick's office.  
"So, what can I do for you today Lisa" asked Dr Nick "are you still too sick for gym class?"

"Ahem, no," she said "I was just wondering if you could have a look at my friend here."

"Well lets have a look shall we" Dr Nick put his stethoscope on Colin's knee. "Oh no, he said, you clearly have noisy knee syndrome, I'm afraid you wont be able to play sports for some time."

"Um, actually I was hoping you would have a look at his 'Growth Hormone Deficiency'" Said Lisa

Dr Nick started at her blankly.

Lisa sighed "He's older that he looks" she said

"Of course," said Dr Nick "You are clearly eighteen," he glanced at Lisa and she nodded "years old, here is a letter explaining your condition."

"Wow," said Lisa "This is pretty detailed"

"I was assisted by Doctors Google and Wikipedia" said Dr Nick "Bye everybody!"

"By Dr Nick" Said Colin and Lisa together

xxxxxxxxx

That night they mailed their transfer applications, signing up for a Social Science major. Lisa was so excited she could barely sleep. If all went well she and Colin would be going to college tomorrow. She switched off her light and fell asleep with a smile on her face.  
In the next room, Bart sat at his desk with his math textbook open, and a blank sheet of paper in front of him. The homework was due the next day, but he couldn't bring himself to lift the pencil. He looked at the textbook, saw all the symbols moving around the page. He shook his head. He was too tired for this, and what was the point anyway, he would get an F even if he did the work. He knew he was stupid, his teachers had made that abundantly clear, so then why did they expect anything better from him. Lisa was so lucky, she could do these problems in her sleep, life must be so easy for her.

He jotted down a few guesses, just so he could say he tried. He switched of his desk lamp and shuffled over to his bed in the darkness. As he closed his eyes, he made a wish, a prayer to whoever was listening, God, Budda, Santa Claws, he didn't know.

"I wish I could be as smart as Lisa."

He drifted off to sleep.

_Bart dreamed of numbers and symbols, there were so many and they were crowding in around him. The numbers flowed like water flowing up around his knees, then his chest and then his neck, but no matter how much he struggled he couldn't swim. They kept rising until they reached his mouth, and flooded down his throat like in the Matrix movie Marge had said he was too young to watch. He tried to scream, but all that came out was a mechanical screech like a dialup modem. He blacked out. When he awoke he was in a classroom, but it looked like a kindergarten classroom. He looked down at his hands and realised that he was he was five. They were playing a singing game but Bart clapped one too many times. "adds extra clap, not college material" said the teacher as she wrote on a clipboard. Suddenly the memory skipped. He was in year 1, learning some basic arithmetic, but he couldn't quite understand. "I don't get it" he said. "That's because you weren't paying attention, I'm not going through it again." The memory skipped again. He was in year 3, learning history, but he hadn't done the reading, "You can't learn" said the faceless teacher "your too stupid, school is for smart kids." The memory skipped a third time, this time he was in his current class. "I don't know why I bother with you Bart," said Mrs Krabable "just face the back of the room and let the other students learn." Then she grew a read tail and horns and the classroom burst into flames. "Come with me Bart you are of no use to this world" she said in a demonic voice._

He woke with a start before rolling over and going back to sleep.

**Please leave a comment people. Remember the more comments I recieve the more motivated I'll be to write the next chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

Chapter 9  
When Bart woke up in the morning he could barely remember his dream from the previous night. He packed his bag for school, being sure to include his half-arsed attempt at mathematics. It seemed that single sheet of paper weighed him down by another few kilos/pounds at least. He dressed and went for breakfast. Lisa was already there and she looked wide-awake, so he guessed there had been no nighttime excursions last night.

After breakfast they had more than enough time to catch the bus a rare occurrence in the Simpson house. Even rarer, Bart noticed was the fact that Lisa seemed genuinely happy to go to school, almost excited even. He felt bad for what the other kids did to her at school, but what did she expect, you couldn't just be better than everyone else and expect them to take it lying down. Bart understood this, he knew that if you wanted to have friends you had to be normal, if they can't get smarter, you have to get dumber. Or perhaps she knew this but decided to be different anyway, he didn't know how anyone could bear to inflict so much pain on themself.

He was broken out of his musings when the bus pulled up. As usual his blue haired, bespectacled friend had saved him a seat.

"Wow," commented Milhouse "Lisa looks happy"

"Why do you do this Milhouse?" asked Bart "She's two years younger than you and she's never payed the slightest attention to you, it's never going to happen."

"How do you know?" challenged Milhouse

"Because she's my sister" explained Bart "She's not like us. She's going to date some nerd, or environmentalist type."

"She dated Nelson" Milhouse pointed out

"Yeah and then dumped him just as quickly" replied Bart "I don't even think she's ready to date someone else yet."  
Milhouse sighed and changed the subject.

"So what have you got planned for today." He asked

"Well I have this." He said proudly.

He produced a contraption from his backpack, it was made of twelve drinking straws, some rubber bands and toothpicks. It looked similar to a minigun, the twelve barrels could obviously rotate, on an ingenious pivot mechanism, so that each would line up with the mouthpiece. Each barrel had a breach mechanism that allowed them to be loaded from the side instead of the end. There was a tiny hole also on the one side of each tube, so that, when fired, the air would rotate the barrel automatically, a click gear system made from toothpicks held each barrel in place for just long enough to be fired.

"May I present, the Nerd Destroyer" he said "twelve barrels of, automatic, multi-barrelled, spit ball firing mayhem."

"Wow Bart," gasped Milhouse "you've really outdone yourself this time."

With that the bus arrived at school, and the students went to class. When Bart entered the room, he saw that the desks had been split apart, each with its own stack of white paper on it. Test conditions.

"Now class please take your seats." Said Mrs Krabable "today we will be taking an IQ test, don't worry this won't affect your grades, it will only determine your ability. Sigh, yes Bart?"

"We already did an IQ test" said Bart.

"Yes but this is a new kind of test, developed, right here at Springfield University, it promises to be far more accurate." She explained "And don't bother trying to copy eachother, you each have a different paper which had been developed specifically for you."  
xxxxxxx

To his surprise, Bart found the test easy, finishing well within the allotted time; maybe he wasn't as stupid as they everyone told him he was. Or maybe he was just so stupid that he didn't even realise his stupidity. One thing was for sure though, Martin's big head made a great target. He carefully removed one of the pages that said only "this page was left deliberately blank", shredded it, chewed it up and loaded each barrel of the 'Nerd Destroyer'. He spun the barrels experimentally, then lifted it to his mouth, took a deep breath and blew.

Twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack, twack!

12 hits in less than 3 seconds. He was happy with that. He got up and walked towards the door.

"Bart Simpson!" Cried Edna "Report to –"

"-Yeah, yeah," he cut her off "I'm going."

**Please leave a comment people. Remember the more comments I recieve the more motivated I'll be to write the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 10**

Lisa went to school the following day. She couldn't bunk off because there was going to be a test, which would make it obvious she wasn't there. She thought of getting a note from Dr Nick, but decided that she would need all the sick days she could get later, to keep up with her college classes. By lunchtime she had a renewed loathing for this prison of children. It was so pointless. Most kids couldn't care less about learning, and those that could quickly surpassed the syllabus, both types were bored out of their minds. She remembered when her father had a crayon removed from his brain. The resulting 105 IQ was barely above the average of 100 and yet he found he could no longer function as a member of society, it seemed that everything had to be geared towards the hard-of-thinking. You couldn't buy a pack of sausages these days without a label telling you that you should cook them before eating. The stupid couldn't get smarter so the smarter had to act dumber, creating a homogenous society of stupid sheeple (people who act like sheep) who's greatest fear was that they could be better than someone else. Well she wouldn't be a part of it, she was proud of her intellect, and she wouldn't act dumb just to put others at ease.

Others saw this in her and they were afraid, so they banded together, some exclusion here, a nasty word there, and little miss brainiac can't take it - look she has tears like the rest of us, she wasn't better than us after all.

Lisa knew the script, but she couldn't change it, not without sacrificing her principles. Buddhism told her that she should accept it, Christianity told her to forgive it, but neither was of much help. The one thing they wanted from her was the one thing she would never give up.

She figured she could skip lunch and go check the P.O. box to which she had directed her college mail. She was surprised to find there was already an A4 envelope inside. Tearing open the top she slid out a number of official college documents, including copies of her approved transfer documents, a new college ID card, a letter from the dean welcoming her to the college and her new timetable. She hid the documents in the lining of her bag and returned to school.

xxxxxxx

The next day Lisa had her first class at the college. She cast an appraising eye over herself in the mirror. She looked so elementary school. She put her hair in a slightly more serious style and kicked off her usual sandals putting on some proper shoes. Much better, she thought. As an afterthought she grabbed the beret she had worn on her last college visit and stuffed it in her bag before running out the door.

xxxxxxx

Arriving at the college she was surrounded by people, hundreds of people and all of them were intelligent, there was a couple people playing guitars, some study groups, and endless people having discussing things she was actually interested in. Ever since she'd left college, she'd wanted nothing more than to get back.

She checked her map and managed to identify the right building eventually, when she got there everyone was already seated, but the professor hadn't arrived yet. She scanned the room, and eventually found that Colin had saved a seat for her, she took it gratefully.

When the professor walked in Lisa saw that he was nothing like her teachers at school. His hair was grey, but he had fire in his eyes, he actually enjoyed his job.

"I understand we have two new students today," he began "so for their benefit, my name is Professor Lewis, Lisa, Colin, could you please stand."

Lisa and Colin stood, feeling a little self-conscious.

"They just transferred from Shelbyville University," said Prof. Lewis "We have arrived at a critical stage in our course, a group project. Groups of five students are conducting real life experiments to investigate a topic of their own choosing. I'll place you both with group 3 because they only have 4 members."

"With respect sir," a student called out of the crowd "we can't afford to have two newbies on our team, we don't have time to teach them."

Lisa blushed.

"This assignment isn't just about the report, it's about working as a team." said the professor angrily "and they're not new to this – Shelbyville has a very similar course, if you manage them correctly I'm sure the can be an asset to your team."

xxxxx

Lisa discovered over the next hour that the project was all about IQ scores and their effects on children's performance at school. To her amusement and slight horror the experiment was taking place at Springfield Elementary.

xxxxx

Bart sat behind his desk at Springfield Elementary.

"Okay children," said Mrs Krabable "I have your IQ scores from yesterday."

She walked between the desks and handed out a slip of paper to each student.

"Wha'd you get Bart?" asked Milhouse

Bart tried to hide the slip from his friend.

"That bad huh?" he said in a hushed voice

Nelson, grabbed the slip.

"Haw, h-" Nelson stoped mid haw and his eyes widened as he read the slip. "156!"

He said it loud enough that the whole class heard and a good many turned to look at him.

"But miss" squeaked Martin "surely there has been some mistake, how can Bart's IQ be 156 when mine is only 135"

"I was as shocked as you were Martin," replied Edna "but the researchers at the university assure me there is no mistake. What this means is that if Bart could actually be bothered to make an effort in class he could be a great student."

xxxxx

Bart went to sleep that night without touching any of his homework, none of it was due tomorrow after all.

_Bart once again dreamt found he was within the school – but this time the school was empty of everything even furniture and everything was bare concrete, dust covered everything and bright light shone through all the windows bathing the whole room in a uniform white light into which he cast no shadow. Lisa was there with him._

"Well?" she asked her voice echoing around the room, "you've got what you wanted haven't you. Your finally as smart as me, but then again you always were – the question is what will you do now. Ignore it, or embrace it. I've made my choice, and it's time for you to make yours.**_  
_**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 11**

The texts they had been given for Social Science were thick and dense, nothing like the elementary or even high school textbooks she had read. She could flick through one of those is a couple hours and pick out all the important information, writing a summary of about four pages – she had always wondered why the book itself was 70, most of it was filler and pointless pictures. Her new textbook however, was over 600 pages with only a few graphs and tables. Her aim was to study the first 80 pages that night but she barely got through 20 in four hours. Every page was densely packed with information and she kept having to refer back to her notes, which actually took up more than 25 pages. At least she had made it through the first chapter so she would at least have a basic idea what was going on in class. When Lisa finally turned out her light it was 11 pm, she fell into a fitful sleep filled with statistics and definitions endlessly coursing through her brain.

xxxxxxx

Bart awoke from his dream thoughtful. He had made up his mind. He was going to use his newfound gift; he didn't really have a choice did he. How could he bear to go back to his previous existence when he knew he was capable of so much more. He looked at his watch and realised that it was only 5:30 am. He was already wide-awake, so he decided to put his supposed genius brain to the test. He took out his maths textbook and started with the first chapter, this time actually reading carefully and thinking about what things meant, how they fit together. To his shock he realised that it made sense. The next chapter was significantly easier, just a logical progression from the first. He managed to read almost the entire book before breakfast.

When Bart went to breakfast he brought the book with him and continued to read at the table. Marge went to put the plates on the table and almost dropped them in shock.

"Bart?" she asked incredulously "are you … studying?"

"It's funny," he said "they've forced us to read this book all year, but now that I actually think about what I'm reading, it makes sense."

"Don't give me that Boy," growled Homer "what scam are you trying to pull, what's your angle."

"I don't care why he's doing it," said Marge "it's just good that he's finally taking an interest in his studies."

The parents were so wrapped up by Bart's sudden change of attitude that they didn't even notice when Lisa appeared at the table looking very tired. She felt slightly feverish, but she knew that was probably just the fatigue, she would drink a soda at school – the caffeine would set her strait.

When Bart got onto the bus he was still reading. He was almost finished and was now genuinely interested in the subject. He took his usual seat next to Milhouse.

"Whatcha reading Bart?" asked Milhouse

"Oh just some stuff." said Bart dismissively

"Wait a minute, is that a maths book," asked Milhouse "are you actually doing schoolwork on the bus?"

"Haw Haw," said Nelson "Bart's trying to better himself."

Bart was shocked for a moment that this was happening to him, until he realised that he was the nerd in this situation. He quickly closed the book and hit Milhouse on the head with it.

"I take it back Simpson," said Nelson "you're alright."

xxxxxx

At school that day Lisa tried to study her Social Science, but she was constantly interrupted, classroom chatter, teacher's questions. She tried to block all that out and only focus on the words, but even so she only got through six more pages that day.

xxxxxx

In Bart's classes that day he was still ignorant in most subjects, but when it came time for maths, he felt a way he had never felt before in a classroom he felt confident. He got 100% in the pop quiz and even aced the harder questions she asked the class as a whole. Mrs Krabaple was impressed, and a little frightened by Bart's progress. After all, the last time he had been so focused he ended up going on a rampage in a tank. It wasn't like that this time though, instead of a zombie like unwavering attention, Bart actually seemed to be enjoying the subject.

"Bart, I'm very impressed with the improvement you've made," said Mrs Krabable "I guess this proves the IQ test wasn't a fluke."

"Hey Simpson," whispered Nelson "I thought you were cool, but I was wrong. You're a teacher's pet, just like your sister."

xxxxxxx

That night both the Simpson children studied late into the night. Bart was rapidly catching up to his class, but Lisa was not so lucky. She was coming in halfway through the project so there was bound to be some resentment of her for freeloading. She needed to make sure she was a valuable member of the team and the only way she could do that was if she knew the subject matter and time was running out._  
_


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 12**

Lisa awoke that morning more tired than she'd ever been in her life. Even more tired than the time Willie was trying to kill them in their dreams. She groaned at the unfairness of it all. Now she could understand what Homer felt like when he had a hangover. She managed to get out of bed and walk unsteadily downstairs. She slumped down at the breakfast table and propped her head up with her hands.

"Lisa!" exclaimed Marge "You look terrible, pale as a ghost, why don't you stay home from school today."

She considered it for a minute. She wanted nothing more than to stay home and sleep, but she had a class today at the university, so she would need school as an alibi.

"No Mum," mumbled Lisa groggily "I'll be fine, I'll go to sch –"

Lisa's words were cut off when she fell asleep into her bowl of cereal, splashing milk everywhere. Marge shook shoulder to wake her

"Young lady," ordered Marge "you can't possibly go to school in this condition. You are staying home whether you like it or not."

Marge took Lisa upstairs and tucked her into bed, then returned to the kitchen to pack Bart's lunch.

Both Homer and Marge looked at Bart expectantly.

"Aren't you going to tell us that you're sick too?" asked Marge warily

"Nah," said Bart "I actually want to go to school."

"Why?" Homer asked deeply suspicious "This isn't going to get you arrested again is it."

"No Homer," answered Bart "No pranks I swear."

"OK, but I've got my eye on you boy." threatened Homer

Homer then started choking Bart.

"Homer, he hasn't done anything yet." yelled Marge

"I'm seizing the initiative Marge." Homer explained proudly "Normally the boy would do something and then I would strangle him, now I realise the futility of it. I was just creating a cycle, but now I'm breaking the cycle Marge."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." said Marge

"I've realised now that school is worthwhile," said Bart.

Homer looked at Marge triumphantly. She sighed.

When Lisa woke at noon she felt much better. She reached into her bag and pulled out her timetable. The class today was only 30 mins long, a tutorial rather than a lecture, and it took place at 1pm. She needed a way out of the house without her mother noticing. Lisa thought about it and came up with a plan. Marge entered her room.

"How're you feeling sweetie?" asked Marge

"I'm feeling much better Mum," said Lisa "I think, I'll soak in the tub for an hour."

"OK, just call if you need anything." called Marge, as she left

Lisa jumped out of bed, and felt a little bit dizzy from getting up too fast. It passed after a moment. She took her clothes for college and folded them into a square, which she tossed into the bathroom. She then took her bag and packed it taking a few extra items from under her loose floorboard, throwing it into the bathroom as well. She then walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She ran a bath but didn't get into it. She changed into her college clothes, and unzipped her backpack. She took out a small black box about the size of a matchbox and placed it on the floor next to the tub. She attached a spool of wire to the device, which she ran over to the windowsill. Then she climbed out the window and holding on with one hand, wrapped the wire around the drainpipe. After that she carefully slid down the drainpipe to the ground and rode her bike to the university.

The box of course was a microphone/speaker and the cable was a radio antenna, which now used the metal drainpipe as an extension of the antenna. Her first prototype had used a cell phone transmitter, but she found the quality wasn't good enough to fool anyone. She kept one earbud of her Mypod in and listened in case her mother tried to talk to her.

At the tutorial, Colin looked tired too.

"So," asked Colin "how much of the textbook did you manage to get through?"

"150." said Lisa glumly

"150!" said Colin "I only managed 80."

"Yeah," said Lisa "But I stayed up all night. I can't keep this up Colin, I'm only human."

"The weekend's coming up at least." said Colin "We could study together. I'm sure we can do this. Just remember what we're doing here Lisa. We're trying to learn an entire college level course in a week, not even college kids have to do that!"

As much as she was glad to see Colin Lisa was glad when the tutorial was over. Luckily Marge didn't call while she was in the actual tutorial, but she did call a couple times on the way back. Lisa managed to sneak back into the window without anyone noticing. The perfect crime, she thought. Then she jumped into the bath to complete the ruse and fought the urge to scream. The water was ice cold.

"There is no perfect crime." she whimpered to herself.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 13**

Over then next two weeks Lisa and Colin did manage to catch up with their class and become a valuable part of their group. The experiment was double blind, not only didn't the students and teachers know which students had received the fake IQ scores, but neither did the researchers, eliminating any bias in the experiment. The experiment was being conducted across several schools and grade levels. Unfortunately for Lisa one of the classes was Bart's, and while she didn't know whether he received a fake score, she knew that she could not be completely unbiased towards him. She managed to avoid working with that class by telling everyone that Bart was her younger cousin. They referred to the students by numbers that had been randomly selected by the computer. The names and real IQ scores were in a sealed envelope, which would not be opened until the conclusion of the experiment. They had carefully charted the student's progress for a month before the IQ test, and were continuing to do so afterwards. Lisa had missed the pre-testing, but this was the important part, the results. The work itself was actually quite dull. Entering endless numbers from paper reports into computer spreadsheets. The payoff was the mining of the data. Graphs and charts examining every possible variable, scores by subject, scores by day of the week, scores by age, they even drew up one chart for scores vs. ambient temperature. They wrote page after page of analysis, but the real question was, would the students who received artificially raised IQ's score better than those who had received their real IQ or those which received artificially lowered results. They would find out when they opened the envelope at the end of the experiment. Lisa giggled when she remembered that this wasn't the first experiment she had performed on Bart. Her science fair project one year had been proving that he was dumber than a hamster. She felt kind of bad about that one – but at least this one didn't involve electrical shocks.

xxxxxxx

As Bart's grades improved, his popularity declined. Now he finally understood what his sister meant when she said that happiness and intelligence were inversely proportional but it was too late to do anything about it, a real catch 22.

Now even Milhouse didn't want to hang out with him, and Bart wasn't going to hang out with Martin. Just because he was smart didn't make him a nerd, why didn't anyone get that. All that he had left was to retreat further into his studies, he had almost finished the whole year's worth of work. Last term they were talking about holding him back a grade, but now he was nearly ready to skip forward. Mrs Krabaple's classes had always seemed boring to him because he didn't know what was going on. For a week or so he enjoyed the classes as he powered through the textbooks. Now he found them boring for another reason, he knew the topics too well, and the classes were laughably predictable.

Bart knew there was one person who would understand, Lisa. He thought about how badly everyone treated her and he was ashamed, sometimes had even joined in. He never knew her burden until now. When he tried to find Lisa however, she was nowhere to be found, he gave up as the bell rang, he would find her after class.

School finished and Bart waited outside Lisa's classroom, everyone walked out, except Lisa. Bart looked in and saw all the desks were empty.

"Hey Mrs Hoover," asked Bart "where's Lisa?"

Mrs Hoover looked pretty out of it and Bart wondered if she had been drinking again.

"Oh, she was here," said Mrs Hoover "She's always here."

Bart walked out of the school and got on the bus. Lisa was there and Bart took a seat next to her.

"Hey Lise," said Bart "couldn't see you in Mrs Hoover's class."

"Oh," said Lisa, panicking slightly as if she wasn't used to the constant lies her double life necessitated "I wasn't in that class, I was, uh, helping principle Skinner with something."

"Really?" asked Bart "because Mrs Hoover said you were there."  
Lisa knew she was caught, she had to reveal something, but it didn't have to be the truth. She decided to give him part of the truth; if she told him everything it could destroy the experiment.

"I take your pause to mean that you're concocting a lie." needled Bart

Bart had always been good at knowing when people were lying, maybe because he told so many himself.

Lisa sighed.

"OK, you win," admitted Lisa "I've been ditching school, it's just so boring, surely you can relate?"

"Yes," replied Bart. "Believe it or not I've actually ditched school myself a few times."

"A few?" she laughed

"OK, well maybe more than a few," he admitted "but that's not why I wanted to talk about. The thing is, a few weeks ago we had this IQ test."

Ahhhhh, thought Lisa. I can't do this it will influence the experiment. But on the other hand I'm his sister and he needs my support. What do I do? She screamed in her mind. Eventually her paralysing indecision made the decision for her.

"And I did really well," he continued "if you can believe that."

"Oh I can," replied Lisa, she decided to consider this an interview with a test subject; it could actually yield valuable information.

"The thing is though," he said "I tried to work harder in school, and now no-one respects me. I always though you had it easy, but I was wrong. I'm sorry I didn't notice it sooner."

My god, she thought, that's the nicest thing he's ever said to me.

"You're not dying, are you?" asked Lisa teasingly

"Only socially," said Bart "only socially."

Lisa was shocked that Bart had been so open to her about his feelings. It made sense that his newfound intelligence was alienating him from his peers, she just wished there were some way to make it better.

xxxxxxx

Mrs Hoover looked at her roll and sure enough Lisa's name was ticked as always. She thought back over the day. Had Lisa really not been there, I mean she was normally quiet, but she couldn't remember Lisa answering any questions, and when she looked through the work that had been handed in she found Lisa hadn't turned in any. She came to a shocking conclusion Lisa had been cutting school. She couldn't tell the school though, then they would know she hadn't been taking her role properly. This would take a little ingenuity. She dialled the Simpson's number and Marge picked up.

"Hello?" said Marge

"Hello Mrs Simpson," said Mrs Hoover "This is Mrs Hoover, your daughter's teacher."

"What's this about?" asked Marge

"Well it seems your daughter may be cutting school," said Mrs Hoover "but I don't recommend you tell her yet. It's more important to find out where she's going, maybe you could try and follow her."

"I'll make an appointment to see the principal tomorrow morning," said Marge

"Oh, No," said Mrs Hoover "You shouldn't do that, that way she'll find out and you'll never know where she's gone."

"OK," said Marge "I'll do it, but this does seem a little unorthodox."

"Bye" said Mrs Hoover quickly. She hung up.

Mrs Hoover sighed. She reached into her bottom drawer and took out a metal hip flask. She drained half of it.

"The things I do to keep this dead end job." she said to an empty classroom.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: The Simpsons characters, storylines and the town of Springfield are the property of Fox Studios. I hereby swear not to profit from this work of fiction unless at some point in the future I purchase The Simpsons from Fox. Until then this is just for fun.

**Chapter 14**

"Marge I don't think this is such a good idea," commented Homer "The last time we tried to follow one of the kids we ended up in Peru."

"I never said you had to come," replied Marge "Don't you have work?"

"Uh … well you see, it's a funny thing," stammered Homer "the thing about that is…"

"Yes" said Marge impatiently

"Well, I was trying to microwave a burrito so hot that God himself couldn't eat it," explained Homer "which ended up using up 40% of the town's power and caused the preservatives in the burrito to react with the emulsifiers forming a highly corrosive acid, w–."

"OK I get the picture" interrupted Marge

"Which burned through the floor into Mr Burns office." He completed

"Only you Homer," said Marge disbelievingly "only you could threaten your boss's life with a burrito. Now hurry up Lisa will almost be at school by now."

Marge and Homer took different cars and each staked out one side of the school. It was 10 am when Homer saw movement, just a rustle in the bushes next to the fence. Then he saw his daughter's unmistakable hair peeking out from the fence. He took out his binoculars, and saw Lisa remove a piece of fence climb out and then replace it carefully. She looked around and, seeing no-one crouch ran across the street into an alleyway. He took out his phone

"This is Max Power, Starhead sighted," he said "south side, headed into an ally. What should I do Big Blue?"

"Do not pursue on foot," ordered Marge "repeat do not pursue, she'll see you. Move two streets south and attempt to reacquire target, I'll move to your current location in case she doubles back. Good luck Max."

Homer parked his car two streets down and sure enough Lisa emerged, more confident now that she was further away from school. After all she would draw more attention if she did sneak.

"Big Blue, this is Max," said Homer "target re-acquired, please advise."

"Hold your position, until she is out of sight," replied Marge "I'll keep her in my sights."

Eventually she led them to Springfield University. They met and discussed the situation.

"I told her last time," said Marge "college is no place for an eight year old."

"I think there's something more going on here," said Homer, displaying an unusual wit "she wouldn't normally disobey you like this."

"Oooh, maybe her brain was taken over by aliens." he said excitedly, destroying any semblance of wit he might have gained

"uh huh," said Marge "or maybe it's a person who's leading her astray. We should keep watching, see if she leaves with anyone."

An hour and a half later Lisa and Colin left the College on their bikes, unaware that they had a tail. Lisa was happy. It was the last week of the semester and the project was drawing to a close. She and Colin had more time to spend together now that every waking moment wasn't spent trying to catch up with their class work. Lisa decided it would be romantic to go to makeout point. It wouldn't really be the same because they didn't have a car, nor did they know how to drive (despite their licences to the contrary), but the important thing was the two of them. They rode side by side even holding hands in the easy parts.

When they reached their destination they looked into eachother's eyes and moved in for a kiss -

"Not so fast!" cried police chief Clancy Wiggum. "Licence and registration college boy."

"But sir, this is a pedal bike." said Colin

"Oh," said Wiggum tapping his baton "wise guy huh?"

Colin quickly offered his licence.

"Says here your 18" said Wiggum "She looks underage to me."

Lisa offered her licence.

"Oh, sorry to disturb you ma'am." said the police chief backing off.

Wiggam walked over to Marge and Homer.

"You didn't tell me your daughter was eighteen." he said "You need to let her run her own life."

"Oh they grow up so fast," said Homer "seems only yesterday she was eight years old."

"Homer, she was eight yesterday and she's still eight today," scalded Marge "and chief, if you won't do anything then I will."

Marge stormed over towards them.

"Lisa," she yelled "get away from that college boy!"

xxxxxxx

An hour latter they were all back at the Simpson house including chief Wiggum for some reason. Colin's parents had been called and were there too. Lisa and Colin had explained everything.

"Well it looks like my job here is done." said Wiggum

"But chief," said Marge "you didn't do anything."

"And that was the brilliance of my plan." said Wiggum, everyone stared at him silently. "I'll just leave now." He said backing away slowly.

They all agreed that they would have to have a meeting with the Dean of the university and Principle Skinner to sort it out.

xxxxxx

The next day Lisa and Colin along with their parents were seated in a meeting room at the university. Also present were the Dean of the university, Professor Lewis their Social Science teacher, Mark the leader of their project, Principle Skinner and Super intendant Charlmers.

"It's almost unbelievable to me that two of my brightest students turn out to be elementary school students," said Mrs Lewis "I mean, the looked small, but their intellects and work ethic are on par with some of the best students here. When I first saw them I was a little sceptical, but after I saw what they could do, I didn't suspect this at all."

"I agree," said Mark "when they were first placed on my team I had my doubts, now they have become an integral part of my team. Sure they were a little socially awkward, but there are a lot of students like that, and they proved I could trust them to get things done."

"They shouldn't be encouraged," said Principal Skinner "if we reward them for this, it might result in other students trying the same thing."

"I don't think that's a big concern," replied the Dean "I doubt there is many other students out there with the intellect and resources to pull something like this off and even fewer would even want to. This really was quite a sophisticated operation they had multiple forged documents and documents to support those documents, the fact that they remained undiscovered for so long is really a testament to their ingenuity."

"Like it or not," said Chalmers "the state law requires that they attend school until the age of 15."

"I think we can come to an agreement," said the Dean "Lisa and Colin will continue to attend their respective schools until the day they turn 16. After that we are willing to offer them full scholarships, they will be the youngest students the college has ever accepted, but I think they've deserve that distinction."

"They may have come in halfway through the project," said Mark "But they've worked as hard as any of us. It would be unfair to deny them the opportunity to finish the project. Would it be possible for them to stay for just one more week so they can see the project through to the end?"

"I would see no problem with that." said the Dean

"It could be done – we'll just reclassify their days off as a field trip," said Superintendent Chalmers "it is educational after all."

xxxxxx

A week later the envelope was unsealed and the final pieces of data were entered. An additional column was added for the amount the IQ had been lowered or raised. Final analysis showed that there was a trend towards students who received raised IQ's improving over the course of the experiment and among students who received lowered IQ's there was a smaller trend towards decreased results. There were many outliers who bucked the trend but statistical analysis proved that the trends were mathematically significant. Their report recommended that IQ tests not be conducted in schools, because of the potential damage they could do to students' self-esteem and performance at school.

Lisa checked the list of names and found Bart's number, when she checked his actual IQ she was shocked. Bart was not going to be happy about this.

"Hey Mark," asked Lisa "do you mind if I give the results at Springfield Elementary, it is my school after all."

"Sure," Mark replied "I wasn't going to ask you to do it, I figured it would be weird addressing to your classmates as a college student rather than a peer, but so long as you're OK with it."

In the ethical considerations of the project it was decided that students would be made aware of their actual IQ's at the end of the experiment.

"I doubt it's possible for me to be any less accepted at school," said Lisa "but while I've been here, I finally felt like there was somewhere I belonged, where people respected me for my accomplishments. They're taking it away, their taking everything from me."

"Hey," said Colin "you'll still have me!"

"I'm sorry," said Lisa "I know that, and I love you, but you're going back to Ireland. They're taking everything and it's not fair."

"I'll write," said Colin trying to cheer her up "and I might be coming back to accept the scholarship."

"Uh huh" sniffed Lisa

Mark put a hand on each of their shoulders.

"I know they wouldn't let you receive credit for completing the course," said Mark "but while they do mark us on the report, we're the ones that own it, so your names will stay on this report. I would say we could hang out sometime, but with the age difference, I'm sure you understand. If you need some help or advice though you can call me."

"Thanks Mark," Lisa said as she left for Springfield Elementary "I won't forget this."

"No," Mark agreed, "this isn't the sort of thing you'd forget overnight."

xxxxxx

It was seven pm and the sun was going down. Mrs Krabable's class had come to a special meeting. They were told it was news from the university about their IQ scores so they were all surprised when it was Lisa who came to address them. Even Bart, who by now knew that Lisa had been attending College, was surprised to see that she was a part of the team who developed the IQ tests.

"I have good news and bad news." said Lisa

"What's the bad news," asked Nelson sarcastically "you couldn't find the second grade classroom?"

"No," said Lisa calmly "The bad news is that some of you didn't do as well on the IQ test as you thought, the good news is that some of you did better."

Instantly a rabble rose up in the classroom.

"Allow me to explain," she said

Lisa explained the experiment to them in terms she expected them to understand, but still received some blank looks.

"Alright then," she said "I will now hand out slips with your real IQ's on them, but don't take them too seriously, our study suggests that it is detrimental for students to know their own IQ."

She walked between the rows passing out the slips.

"I knew it," said Martin "142"

Nelson threw a pencil at the back of his head.

"Ow" he squealed

She gave Bart his slip and everyone looked at him, and he looked at the slip in disbelief, 98. He was average again. Nelson grabbed the slip.

"98!" he exclaimed, handing Bart back the slip "You're one of us again Simpson"

In that moment Bart realised that being intelligent had caused him nothing but misery, this was his chance to go back to his old life, and he took it gladly.

After the meeting the students were picked up by their parents, and Lisa pulled Bart aside.

"I have something to tell you" She said cryptically "do you still have that slip?"

"Yeah," he said handing it to her "It's right here"

Lisa took the slip and rubbed a portion of it with her thumb and flakes of white came away. He realised that one digit had been whited out and a part of the number nine had been written on top of whiteout. As the sections fell away a new number was revealed 148.  
"But How…?" Bart asked

"It's very rare for siblings to vary by more than 10 IQ points, we vary by 8," she explained "Other studies have shown that IQ alone isn't really a good indicator of ability –"

"But you told everyone back there that I was an idiot…" Bart paused for a second of contemplation before enveloping his sister in a hug "Thanks sis."

**Well that's the end, everything is back to the status quo. If people want a happily ever after ending I could include an epilogue set in the future otherwise I'll leave it as is. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story, although if you made it this far it's highly unlikely that you didn't. Till next time.**

UndeadSamurai


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: To all my loyal readers, I have good news and bad news. **

**The bad news is that I will probably never write an epilogue to this story - I've decided I like the ending as is, returning to the status quo just makes it seem more like the Simpsons.**

**The good news is that I am going to do a re-write. I just recently re-read this story I realized that while I still liked the plot, the execution was actually not that great, probably because I didn't have it beta'd (except chapter's 1 & 2), and I posted a chapter every night without actually reading over it. **

**Don't worry my other two stories are still being written, this will probably only take about a week. After all it only took two weeks to write it the first time, and so long as I update "Simpsons on 'The Ice'" before the 9th Narfy won't kill me (lol). If you haven't read Narfy's stuff (you must be hiding under a rock), I strongly suggest you do (read it, not hide under a rock). I'd also recommend that you check out my other stuff - I think it's great, but then again, I'm biased arn't I?**

**Cya Soon,**

**UndeadSamurai**


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